Hmm... thoughts on Rakeesh in Silmaria

[Rath Darkblade]

I was thinking of Rakeesh in QfG5. I'm sure you all know the story by now: you teleport down to Silmaria, Rakeesh's leg is poisoned, blah blah blah etc. Yet, the hero leaves him standing (or sitting, or squatting, or whatever he's doing, on his rock) and marches over to the Hall of Kings, and goes in... and right there is Rakeesh! I mean, how the heck did he get there so quickly? Does he have a Mystic Magnet on the spot next to Logos or something - and if so, why does no-one ever mention it (or trip over it, or lift it up to clean it) etc.? And what would Rakeesh do if some evil (or clueless) servant at the Hall of Kings decides to STEAL (or move) his Mystic Magnet? For instance...

Servant: *cleans the Hall of Kings* Hum-dee-dum... ooh! A Mystic Magnet! I always wanted one of those! *sticks it in his pocket*

*a minute later, Rakeesh uses his Mystic Magnet to teleport to the Hall of Kings... and gets stuck in the servant's pocket*

Rakeesh: &$@*!!!! &$*@!!! &$@*!!!

etc. Feel free to fill in the rest...

So... how in blazes does Rakeesh get there so quickly without being seen (at least by the hero)? Discuss!

[AndreaDraco]

Rath... I think you have a problem

[Maiandra]

Maybe Rakeesh has a twin?

Or maybe the Hero was detained for an indeterminate amount of time in the palace waiting room, thus allowing Rakeesh to take his place through a back entrance.

[DeadPoolX]

*a minute later, Rakeesh uses his Mystic Magnet to teleport to the Hall of Kings... and gets stuck in the servant's pocket*

Rakeesh: &$@*!!!! &$*@!!! &$@*!!!

There are worse places to teleport to than someone's pocket.

[Rath Darkblade]

Rath... I think you have a problem

And what is it, exactly?

Maybe Rakeesh has a twin?

Or maybe the Hero was detained for an indeterminate amount of time in the palace waiting room, thus allowing Rakeesh to take his place through a back entrance.

Yes! Rakeesh's ~EVIL~ twin, Sheerak, who has a demon-shaped birthmark on his... you know...

Or, if the hero is detained in the waiting room, he had to read magazines with names like "NEW ZORK TIMES" or "PRAYBOY" (the spiciest, raunchiest, raciest magazine ever published for Avoozl worshippers - I'm not touching this one with a ten-foot pole).

There are worse places to teleport to than someone's pocket.

Such... as? *tres curieux*

[AndreaDraco]

Rath... I think you have a problem

And what is it, exactly?

Gee... I don't know!

How did you come to think of this one?

[DeadPoolX]

There are worse places to teleport to than someone's pocket.

Such... as? *tres curieux*

What if his pants didn't have pockets?

[Rath Darkblade]

Rath... I think you have a problem

And what is it, exactly?

Gee... I don't know! How did you come to think of this one?

Easy. Late night and no coffee. What do you think? All I need is a slogan. Something like "Late night and no coffee makes Rath... something something."

"Go crazy?"

"Don't mind if I do!!"

Seriously, it was a late night and I didn't have coffee. But I was writing a skit about this and it suddenly struck me - how does Rakeesh get to the Hall of Kings so quickly? And it developed from there.

Hmm... DPX, if the servant didn't have pockets, would Rakeesh be sucked into the lining in the servant's pants?

I'd be lion if I said he'd be happy...

[DeadPoolX]

Hmm... DPX, if the servant didn't have pockets, would Rakeesh be sucked into the lining in the servant's pants?

I still don't think you're getting what I mean.

[Rath Darkblade]

Hmm... DPX, if the servant didn't have pockets, would Rakeesh be sucked into the lining in the servant's pants?

I still don't think you're getting what I mean.

You mean, Rakees would be sucked into the servant's pants?

[DeadPoolX]

Hmm... DPX, if the servant didn't have pockets, would Rakeesh be sucked into the lining in the servant's pants?

I still don't think you're getting what I mean.

You mean, Rakees would be sucked into the servant's pants?

Warmer... you're definitely getting warmer.

[Rath Darkblade]

I don't even want to think about where else Rakeesh would end up - particularly if this alleged servant is human. :p

*Rakeesh gets sucked into the servant's undies*

Rakeesh and servant together: #$&*@$! $&%*@!!! &$&%!!!

Servant: Get out of my undies!

Rakeesh: I'm trying to!

[DeadPoolX]

You're getting very warm now, but you still haven't guessed correctly.

[AndreaDraco]

This is the stuff p0rn is made of. And True Blood.

[DeadPoolX]

This is the stuff p0rn is made of. And True Blood.

Oddly enough, this p0rn might truly include some blood.