

jTop Twenty Things Not to Say to a Dragon
(written 18 March, 2005)
20. "Whoops! Was that YOUR egg I just trod on?"
19. "Is that a knight in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
18. "Open up and say ah!"
17. "You can't see me when I'm invisible, can you?"
16. "Anybody got a light?"
15. "Hi! My name is Arvath Dragonkiller. What's yours?"
14. "When was the last time you had a really good meal?"
13. "Ahhh, bite me!"
12. "Your momma was a flame thrower!"
11. "Why of course these are dragonskin pants!"
10. "Now I know why the Dragon's Breath in Spielburg smells so bad. "
9. "The dwarves are coming! (And hobbits too)!"
8. "You know, wrinkle cream might get rid of your scaly-skin problem. "
7. "You don't mind if I go through your treasure horde, do you?"
6. "Smoking heroes can be hazardous to your health. "
5. "So you're like, evolved from a lizard, right?"
4. "Take that, you wicked fiend!" (throwing a small bucket of water at it)
3. "I hope I give you fatal heartburn!" (while he's swallowing you whole)
2. "Aw c'mon. How tough do you think a dragon THAT old is? What's he gonna do, hit me with his walking stick?"
1. "Come and get me, you foul-smelling, bad-tempered, gas burner!"