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Busy day at work, but squeaked out a quick little snip bit of dialogue between Quinn and Navah.

I only had time tonight to reas this brief exchange, and I've really liked it. Even if you depict a Riordan slightly more hardened than the one I experienced in the game, Quinn's tale is compelling and, for once, I was even happy with Nevah's reactions to his words. She sounded more open to dialogue and less prone to judgment, in this chapter, and I like this new attitude of hers.

The bit at the end, Tawmis, is simply priceless

AndreaDraco wrote: I only had time tonight to reas this brief exchange, and I've really liked it. Even if you depict a Riordan slightly more hardened than the one I experienced in the game, Quinn's tale is compelling and, for once, I was even happy with Nevah's reactions to his words. She sounded more open to dialogue and less prone to judgment, in this chapter, and I like this new attitude of hers.

Well I wanted to show a slow, gradual (and perhaps a little more understanding) side of her considering her choice when Quinn left it to her to save William.

AndreaDraco wrote: The bit at the end, Tawmis, is simply priceless

I thought that was a fun little thing to include. Would explain why he is the way he is when folks meet him in Denerim.

More story goodness to be had.

Shadow over Nashah?

I don't know. Something doesn't seem right. Maybe I'm biased by my appreciation of Lovecraft's work, or maybe by Haven, but something seems amiss in Nashah, and I know for sure that I wouldn't sleep at that inn for any price

Side note, I took this out of the TLJ Soundtrack post and moved it here. I was SO confused when I read it in the TLJ Soundtrack thread.

AndreaDraco wrote:Shadow over Nashah?
I don't know. Something doesn't seem right. Maybe I'm biased by my appreciation of Lovecraft's work, or maybe by Haven, but something seems amiss in Nashah, and I know for sure that I wouldn't sleep at that inn for any price

@ the Shadows Over _______ reference.

I got the name from a list of Biblical Cities (since there's several references to Dragon Age writers pulling from real cities and such). And if you look at the list - you may have an idea as to what's up with the unmarked town...

Added a little more about the story with the strange town.

I immensely liked the last chapter, and may I point out that...

... I KNEW SOMETHING WAS AMISS WITH THE CITY!

Berik has the most cool line, this time around: Berik’s door flew open and three dead men fell out. “Is that really your best?” Berik laughed. He jumped out into the hallway. “You know, I was thinking,” Berik smirked, “my life was very exciting as a member of the Broken Hand. Now, I see I wasn’t living until I traveled with you, Grey Warden.”

And I love this part:

“What I am saying is,” she took a step closer. She could feel his warm breath. She put her hand on his chest, felt his heart beat beneath his shirt. She looked at her hand, then up at him. “What I am saying is…”

At that moment, there was an explosion and a wave of heat

Right until this moment, I thought you were talking figuratively about the explosion of their physical attraction, and then... followed by shouting from Quinn. William pushed Navah aside gently and grabbed his sword and swung the door open, only to be welcomed by more searing flames.

I don't know if it was intended, but it was great nonetheless!

MOAR!

AndreaDraco wrote: I immensely liked the last chapter, and may I point out that...

Thanks! Was a lot of fun to write. Kind of enjoy making up the story as I go... great for creativity flowing through my tiny brain...

AndreaDraco wrote: ... I KNEW SOMETHING WAS AMISS WITH THE CITY!

LOL! And the next part reveals a little more... making it obvious what's wrong.

AndreaDraco wrote: Berik has the most cool line, this time around: Berik’s door flew open and three dead men fell out. “Is that really your best?” Berik laughed. He jumped out into the hallway. “You know, I was thinking,” Berik smirked, “my life was very exciting as a member of the Broken Hand. Now, I see I wasn’t living until I traveled with you, Grey Warden.”

I figured I have developed and spent a lot of time on Quinn, it was time to expand on the others - and Berik's getting a lot of love (in more ways than one!) in the last few additions!

AndreaDraco wrote: And I love this part:

“What I am saying is,” she took a step closer. She could feel his warm breath. She put her hand on his chest, felt his heart beat beneath his shirt. She looked at her hand, then up at him. “What I am saying is…”

At that moment, there was an explosion and a wave of heat

Right until this moment, I thought you were talking figuratively about the explosion of their physical attraction, and then... followed by shouting from Quinn. William pushed Navah aside gently and grabbed his sword and swung the door open, only to be welcomed by more searing flames.

I don't know if it was intended, but it was great nonetheless!

Very much intended! And glad someone caught that!

AndreaDraco wrote: MOAR!

Did you ask for MOAR?!?!?

First of all, sorry for the delay but these past few days I've been pretty busy with the work and, of course, with Awakening. I've only had time now to read the last chunk.

Another great chapter, Tawmis! The dragon cult, which even ties nicely with Dragon Age's official campaign, is a brilliant idea and it offers you the possibility to explore the lore more freely, since not much is known about these cults, or about Kolgrim's one in particular, for that matter. Moreover, this kind of plot further enhances the Lovecraftian atmosphere, which I think you're really good at convey: the feeling that something suspicious and sinister is afoot, that something is lurking from the shadows, that this small rural community hides something terrible is well integrated with the epic tone of the first chapters and the characters' dynamics are getting really interesting. Berik is even supplanting Quinn as my favorite character

Anyway, just a note. If I were you, I'd get rid of this sentence:

In truth, Berik had intentionally stumbled into Quinn and William; picking their shackles free in the mere seconds that it had taken to run into them. Once he had removed his own shackles, the rest was easy. The dagger was hidden just below his armpit, one of the many secret daggers he carried.

It was clear what Berik did, even without the explanation, which on the other hand feels a little too expository. Without it, Berik's actions would be even more shadowy and stealthy

AndreaDraco wrote:First of all, sorry for the delay but these past few days I've been pretty busy with the work and, of course, with Awakening. I've only had time now to read the last chunk.

No worries. Work has been insane over here. The only time I add to the story is at work. It's specific to breaking up the monotony of work. However, this whole week has been busy. And next week I support the executive building for two weeks, so not sure how much I am going to be able to add. Of course, today is Friday, so it's been slow. So I may take some time to add to it.

AndreaDraco wrote: Another great chapter, Tawmis! The dragon cult, which even ties nicely with Dragon Age's official campaign, is a brilliant idea and it offers you the possibility to explore the lore more freely, since not much is known about these cults, or about Kolgrim's one in particular, for that matter. Moreover, this kind of plot further enhances the Lovecraftian atmosphere, which I think you're really good at convey: the feeling that something suspicious and sinister is afoot, that something is lurking from the shadows, that this small rural community hides something terrible is well integrated with the epic tone of the first chapters and the characters' dynamics are getting really interesting. Berik is even supplanting Quinn as my favorite character

Thank you very much for the compliments! You rock for taking the time to even read this story! I was on the Dragon Age Wiki when I was reading about the Dragon Cults, and how there wasn't much to them - so I figured I'd take a stab at writing some stories about it (just going off the information that's provided).

As for Berik, I have been giving him a lot of spotlight because Quinn got so much when he was introduced. Also gives me a chance to develop him as someone completely different than Zevaran which was an initial concern. (Probably why I tend to focus on his eye patch thing so much, to show he is very different than the dashing Zev, but still quite good at what he does - whether killing or sleeping with people!)

AndreaDraco wrote: Anyway, just a note. If I were you, I'd get rid of this sentence:

In truth, Berik had intentionally stumbled into Quinn and William; picking their shackles free in the mere seconds that it had taken to run into them. Once he had removed his own shackles, the rest was easy. The dagger was hidden just below his armpit, one of the many secret daggers he carried.

It was clear what Berik did, even without the explanation, which on the other hand feels a little too expository. Without it, Berik's actions would be even more shadowy and stealthy

Excellent point and fixed.

At long last, I have added uh... "MOAR!"

Had lots of fun with this chapter.

How I missed this?

Anyway, a question: does this Gabriel really exist in Dragon Age's lore or you made it up? Because he fits perfectly within the setting, you know, and the concept of a Grey Warden-turned-dragonhunter is certainly fascinating, especially given that the Second Blight struck in the north, where Nevarra is (although Nevarra didn't exist back then), and the most regarded dragonhunters hailed from that country.

With this being said, I don't know if I like so a humanized version of a dragon's cunning, which is perhaps too high fantasy a trope for the dark setting of Dragon Age, where I see dragons more as rough and tough, savage monsters gifted with a supreme and malicious intellect, but then again Dragon Cults are not that explained in the Codex, so it's possible that dragons can actually talk with their subjects, and perhaps even show compassion or empathy.

All in all, though, a great read as usual

AndreaDraco wrote:How I missed this?

So short I don't think I mentioned it.

AndreaDraco wrote: Anyway, a question: does this Gabriel really exist in Dragon Age's lore or you made it up? Because he fits perfectly within the setting, you know, and the concept of a Grey Warden-turned-dragonhunter is certainly fascinating, especially given that the Second Blight struck in the north, where Nevarra is (although Nevarra didn't exist back then), and the most regarded dragonhunters hailed from that country.

Gabriel is completely made up. He's both a nod to the fact that you read it (a la Gabriel Knight) and a nod also to the GKIII with the end segment with the dragon... So when I needed a human (somewhat epic sounding) name - Gabriel was the perfect choice.

So the entire character and his origin is made up by me.

AndreaDraco wrote: With this being said, I don't know if I like so a humanized version of a dragon's cunning, which is perhaps too high fantasy a trope for the dark setting of Dragon Age, where I see dragons more as rough and tough, savage monsters gifted with a supreme and malicious intellect, but then again Dragon Cults are not that explained in the Codex, so it's possible that dragons can actually talk with their subjects, and perhaps even show compassion or empathy.

All in all, though, a great read as usual

Thanks! As for the kindness of Dragons - so far, this is but one dragon. And who is not to say that it is manipulating Gabriel to its own end? After all, now it has human servants, at a small cost to always protect its eggs against other humans. And they're powerful thanks to the Dragon Blood. I have no idea where I am going with the story, which is half the fun! I often get to surprise myself.

Added a small piece, at long last, to the story to try and get me back into the rhythm of writing it again... Life Begins With Death.