Dragon Age: Life Begins With Death (Fan Fic)

[Tawmis]

“I truly wish I could say that it’s been nice knowing you.” -- Quinn and his witty one-liners are always a pleasure to read!

Since people who read it seem to favor Quinn, I think that's why he gets all the one liners...

The chapter is really good. Perhaps the battle is a bit brief.

I think because I am writing in the form of brain dumps. If it were more towards a novel, I think the segments would be larger. But since I am by no means a professional writer; I think writing in quick short bursts allows me to get the main parts of the story across without fear of boring someone to tears or intimidate someone from reading some huge section of a story.

and I've a minor quibble with William telling the farmers the truth about the broodmothers,

I debated on this - but to me - I tried to put myself inside William's shoes. These were farmers he was dealing with. He knew immediately some would break rank. The best way to make them stand and fight - would be to tell them the truth about what would happen to their mothers, wives and daughters - he had to give the farmers a reason to fight. And sadly, the truth was the greatest thing he could offer them to make them stay on the front line against what would seem like impossible odds.

but the chapter is really good and the final paragraphs are great. I didn't see it coming! I thought it would have been Berick in life danger, but I'd never thought that you'd go with William himself. Quinn's words were appropriate, as was Nevah's reaction. It was a powerful moment, one whose consequences I can't wait to see!

Yeah, the story kind of writes itself. I honestly have no idea where it goes from one moment to the next once the characters take on a life of their own. Only Berik seems shallow to me (William is the do-righter, Quinn is the one liner questionable guy who is also shown to be intelligent and well versed, Navah is the righteous one who clings to religion... Berik needed some fleshing out... so)...

Added a little more with some focus on the type of person Berik is.

[AndreaDraco]

As much as I like Berick, this will have to wait until tomorrow morning! I'm pretty tired right now and watching the snow outside - yes, it's snowing in middle March here in Italy! Yay us! - is pleasingly soporific...

[AndreaDraco]

Argh! I've still to read the last chapter! Yesterday has been a very busy day and today is even more frantic. Later this evening, though, I should have a moment to read it thoroughly!

(I took a peak, though, and read the last sentence: is a certain someone saying the certain something I'm thinking of? )

[Tawmis]

Argh! I've still to read the last chapter! Yesterday has been a very busy day and today is even more frantic. Later this evening, though, I should have a moment to read it thoroughly!

(I took a peak, though, and read the last sentence: is a certain someone saying the certain something I'm thinking of? )

No problem! Just added another small piece to reflect more on Berik's type of personality.

[AndreaDraco]

The last chapter is really great. Berick is very well fleshed-out, and his last scene (which I mistakingly confused for a Nevah/William scene when I took a peak at the end of the chapter) is absolutely amusing Now that I've seen him "in action", so to speak, both with the Ogre and with the widow, I see the differencies between him and Zevran, both in their attitude and in their skills, and his identity, which was a bit lacking before, or perhaps simply not yet defined, is now clear and recognizable, and these qualities help Berick to fit better into the group.

I really liked this sentence: Quinn was cutting his hand open with his ceremonial dagger. He was whispering words of magic… spidery in their sound… complex, woven, like a web of silk…

EDIT: I'll read the new piece right away!

EDIT2: Read it. Nevah is really short-sighted. If she can't see the logic - and even the goodness - behind Berick's actions, well, her bad.

[Tawmis]

The last chapter is really great. Berick is very well fleshed-out, and his last scene (which I mistakingly confused for a Nevah/William scene when I took a peak at the end of the chapter) is absolutely amusing Now that I've seen him "in action", so to speak, both with the Ogre and with the widow, I see the differencies between him and Zevran, both in their attitude and in their skills, and his identity, which was a bit lacking before, or perhaps simply not yet defined, is now clear and recognizable, and these qualities help Berick to fit better into the group.

Yeah, Berik needed some spotlight action. Quinn and William often steal the scene as I write - but giving Berik a chance will probably make him step up more during these brain dump sessions.

I really liked this sentence: Quinn was cutting his hand open with his ceremonial dagger. He was whispering words of magic… spidery in their sound… complex, woven, like a web of silk…

I always imagined the sound of casting spells to be very... ethereal... I wanted to somehow capture that... in the game, the spells are just CAST... no dialogue spoken...

EDIT: I'll read the new piece right away!
EDIT2: Read it. Nevah is really short-sighted. If she can't see the logic - and even the goodness - behind Berick's actions, well, her bad.

Part of Navah's nativity is based off the Chantry from Redcliff. Remember, before the Siege on Redcliff - one of the things you character can do is talk to Ser Perth in Redcliff Village, he asks for a blessing from Mother Hannah - in which she is hesitant to say she blessed the amulets that will help them in combat, because it's a form of trickery and lies...

[AndreaDraco]

Part of Navah's nativity is based off the Chantry from Redcliff. Remember, before the Siege on Redcliff - one of the things you character can do is talk to Ser Perth in Redcliff Village, he asks for a blessing from Mother Hannah - in which she is hesitant to say she blessed the amulets that will help them in combat, because it's a form of trickery and lies...

Yes, I remember that section. And I remember passing a difficult Persuade check to knock some sense into the woman!

[Tawmis]

Part of Navah's nativity is based off the Chantry from Redcliff. Remember, before the Siege on Redcliff - one of the things you character can do is talk to Ser Perth in Redcliff Village, he asks for a blessing from Mother Hannah - in which she is hesitant to say she blessed the amulets that will help them in combat, because it's a form of trickery and lies...

Yes, I remember that section. And I remember passing a difficult Persuade check to knock some sense into the woman!

I did the same. The first time, no, because my Persuade wasn't high enough (I focused strictly on combat). But with my mage I managed to talk her into it. For Navah, she's already found herself compromised once - when she agreed to let Quinn save William's life with Blood Magic. The path that Navah will undoubtedly walk will be one plagued with such choices. Moral choices are always fun to play off of.

[Tawmis]

An even deeper look into Berik's character.

[AndreaDraco]

Poor Berick!

He certainly has an interesting story, and a compelling background. I always like a bit of political meddling, and the machinations between the Crows and Berick's guild are right up my alley.

And I would love to see the great Antiva City. From Zevran's tales, and now Berick's, it seems like a wonderful place

[Tawmis]

A little something... needed a break from working on NeN...

[AndreaDraco]

I imagined Quinn a little more... uh... grim, and dark, with more bright eyes, but the other three are almost exactly like I pictured them! Great work Tawmis!

[Tawmis]

I tried to find a set of eye brows that were more ... scowling looking... more angry looking... but couldn't find any that looked reasonable without him looking... surprised.

[Tawmis]

Quinn ver 2.0

[AndreaDraco]

I prefer the first version. This one seems a bit... strange, and... er... plump for a Blood Mage.