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AndreaDraco wrote:I read it, and I have a lot of things to say.
First of all, you may have done it on purpose, but I think that Bann Teghan is too much similar a name to Bann Teagan, and this similarity originally confunded me. I even searched the wikia to see if Teagan had another brother named Orlen, before realizing that the village was way too far from Redcliffe for the two of them to be the same. It's certainly a minor quibble, sure, but a more different name should avoid this confusion altogether.

Fixed. And if you're curious where I got the new name, just google the name and check the first link.

Tawmis wrote:Fixed. And if you're curious where I got the new name, just google the name and check the first link.

This one or this one?

I basically took the idea of Zev's ability to seduce (and potentially making him one of the Crow's best assassins) and made an assassination guild that specialized in seduction and politics. (Because you had mentioned previously your love of politics, so I thought I'd make a character that's hand their hand in politics - to some degree).

In fact, I really like the idea I guess it's pretty safe to assume that the difference between a bard and a full-fledged assassin is pretty minimal in the Dragon Age setting, so there's really no problem in Berick being an assassin from Rivain. Oh, and about Rivain:

And I made him from Rivain because it's not very developed story wise and I wouldn't have to worry about contradicting anything that might already be fleshed out.

On a second thought, you're right. This is a wise choice.

When does the Warden tie up Zev?

It is assumed after the first encounter with him that the following conversation happened after you tied him up. He mentions it when the Warden is pursuing a romance with him. In fact, he obviously makes a joke about how much he likes to be tied up and asks if the party was more rope ready to use

That one good sir, was for you.

Yay! It sure was appreciated!

AndreaDraco wrote: This one or this one?

The second one. Considering he was written to be extremely perverted (enjoying younger boys {especially elves, since they look so pretty!}, and what not) - I thought it would be interesting to name him after a demon from Dungeons & Dragons.

AndreaDraco wrote: In fact, I really like the idea I guess it's pretty safe to assume that the difference between a bard and a full-fledged assassin is pretty minimal in the Dragon Age setting, so there's really no problem in Berick being an assassin from Rivain.

Yes, the lines between Assassin, Rogue, and Bard all seem to blur in Dragon Age. I am used to an Assassin being someone hired to kill (Zev, for example). A Rogue is someone who is good at opening locks, doors, removing traps (Leilana, for example). A Bard to me, is someone who travels the land, sings songs, and is great at telling stories. (No one in Dragon Age seemed to fit this standard Bard Archtype).

AndreaDraco wrote: Oh, and about Rivain:

And I made him from Rivain because it's not very developed story wise and I wouldn't have to worry about contradicting anything that might already be fleshed out.

On a second thought, you're right. This is a wise choice.

I just figured it'd give me a lot of room (for now, before it gets developed in AWAKENINGS or something - and contradicts everything I ever said ) to make up things about the area! Of course, I could have gone as far as saying he's from a different continent entirely - but meh - that would have been too much.

AndreaDraco wrote:

When does the Warden tie up Zev?

It is assumed after the first encounter with him that the following conversation happened after you tied him up. He mentions it when the Warden is pursuing a romance with him. In fact, he obviously makes a joke about how much he likes to be tied up and asks if the party was more rope ready to use

That's awesome! In one of my play throughs (since I am doing a Rogue on the PC, as well as a Mage on the PC, and a Mage also for my second on X360 - one of them is going to be seducing Zev - just not sure which yet!)

Anyone surprised that another large piece was added today?

A little note about lore, Tawmis. You wrote that Bann Vrok opposed the arrival of the Chantry, but the Chantry has been in Ferelden since... well, a very long time. If you take a look at the cronology, you'll see that the Chantry was founded in Orlais in 1195 TE or 1:1 Divine, when the first Divine, Justinia I, was instated at Val Royeaux. By the end of the Divine Age, the Chant of Light was already spread in Thedas (with certain countries, like Rivain, more strongly opposing the Andastrian Cult). Anyway, it will be safer, perhaps, to write that Bann Vrok opposed something in particular about the Chantry of Charitin, or maybe this only refers to the Bann not wanting them inside the boundaries of the village or something.

Aside from this... how awesome is Quinn?

“He’s violated the Chant of Light,” Quinn said, all too happily to make it clear. “A sentence of death, I believe in such a case.”

[...]

“Those who bear false witness,” Quinn stated again.
“And work to deceive others, know this:
There is but one Truth.
All things are known to our Maker
And He shall judge their lies.”

“Spare me your petty gloating, Blood Mage,” Sanara barked.

Spectacular use of the Chant of Light, Tawmis! I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, and - even if I would have liked for the mystery to go on a bit longer - it was really satisfying. And I'd like to quote another of Quinn's pearls of wisdom:

“You have got to be kidding me,” Quinn moaned.

AndreaDraco wrote: A little note about lore, Tawmis. You wrote that Bann Vrok opposed the arrival of the Chantry, but the Chantry has been in Ferelden since... well, a very long time. If you take a look at the cronology, you'll see that the Chantry was founded in Orlais in 1195 TE or 1:1 Divine, when the first Divine, Justinia I, was instated at Val Royeaux. By the end of the Divine Age, the Chant of Light was already spread in Thedas (with certain countries, like Rivain, more strongly opposing the Andastrian Cult). Anyway, it will be safer, perhaps, to write that Bann Vrok opposed something in particular about the Chantry of Charitin, or maybe this only refers to the Bann not wanting them inside the boundaries of the village or something.

Ah, so it wasn't clear? I didn't mean he opposed the Chantry from the dawn of time (so to speak) - but rather, the Chantry building within his town and spreading the Chant of Light in his town.

From the previous addition:

“Yes,” Orlen muttered. “My brother, who was a Bann, as you know, opposed the arrival of the Chantry. Said his little town didn’t need the Chantry or the Chant of Light.”

and from the latest one:

“And the fact that Bann Vrock did not want the Chantry in Cherathin could have nothing to do with his assassination?” Quinn asked. “It seems that you and Bann Vrock had several confrontations with each other, before the Chantry arrived, during the time that the Chantry was being built, and even after the Chantry was here. Bann Vrock wanted you out of here. But of course, you didn’t listen. Just like always, you Chantry people push your religion on people even when they don’t want it!”

AndreaDraco wrote: Aside from this... how awesome is Quinn?

“He’s violated the Chant of Light,” Quinn said, all too happily to make it clear. “A sentence of death, I believe in such a case.”

[...]

“Those who bear false witness,” Quinn stated again.
“And work to deceive others, know this:
There is but one Truth.
All things are known to our Maker
And He shall judge their lies.”

“Spare me your petty gloating, Blood Mage,” Sanara barked.

Spectacular use of the Chant of Light, Tawmis! I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, and - even if I would have liked for the mystery to go on a bit longer - it was really satisfying. And I'd like to quote another of Quinn's pearls of wisdom:

“You have got to be kidding me,” Quinn moaned.

Quinn seems to be a favorite (of those who read it). There's someone from another forum, where I post links to the story - she also seems to think that Quinn is the best thing since sliced bread (for the story, anyway).

As for the usage of the Chant of Light, once I read the Chant of Light segments on the Dragon Age Wiki - I knew I wanted to use it to show that - even if you are religious - becoming fanatical about ANY religion is never a good thing... This will be a lesson that Navah will no doubt learn in time...

Added more after a busy weekend.

'Twas about time!

/ Morrigan-mode off!

Yay, great news!

Quinn and Berick are my favorite characters. Why? Not just because I usually like characters with a multifaceted, prismatic personality and a complex morality that cannot be immediately assimilated to a good/bad dichotomy - to be completely honest, I tend to like the 'good guys' more than the bad ones, proven that said good guys have some real depth to them -, but because, when I compare them to William, they strike me as more interesting and, especially, believable than him.

I mean, William is well depicted, and well written. But in almost every chapter he manages to do or say something -- I don't know, like if he were reading from a script, or quoting from a "Be-Valiant-Save-The-World-Get-The-Damsel" manual. I'm not saying that he doesn't seem genuine to me, or that you're writing it wrong. I'm just saying that sometimes it will be good to see him making a mistake, a bad decision, following a wrong hunch or something that can show to me that he's other than the shiny knight he seems now.

Surely, he has guilt. But that's not enough. Quinn, Berick and Nevah seem to me more realistically multi-layered, more difficult to read; they leave a lot of room for the reader's interpretation of their deeds and their thoughts. On the other hand, when - for example - William proposed to go back to the village to defeat the darkspawn... I've nothing to interpret about it. I know that William will be right and they will save the day, or die trying.

That's the reason I can't relate to William. Because he's right; because he always do the right thing; because is moral compass is adamantine; because he's the good guy, the perfect guy. And this is why I like Quinn more: because he's not right, he often is rude and cruel; because is moral compass is shaded but especially because, in spite of everything, he fight for a good cause. This I can relate to: a flawed individual, like us, who's striving and struggling and fighting to do the right thing.

Ah, sorry for the rant. The chapter is actually very good, and the dream is really scary. I adore the way Berick appears out of nowhere, like a shadow, and I like the idea of what's next

AndreaDraco wrote: Ah, sorry for the rant.

Ah! No worries! I like to hear it!

AndreaDraco wrote: Quinn and Berick are my favorite characters. Why? Not just because I usually like characters with a multifaceted, prismatic personality and a complex morality that cannot be immediately assimilated to a good/bad dichotomy - to be completely honest, I tend to like the 'good guys' more than the bad ones, proven that said good guys have some real depth to them -, but because, when I compare them to William, they strike me as more interesting and, especially, believable than him.

I mean, William is well depicted, and well written. But in almost every chapter he manages to do or say something -- I don't know, like if he were reading from a script, or quoting from a "Be-Valiant-Save-The-World-Get-The-Damsel" manual. I'm not saying that he doesn't seem genuine to me, or that you're writing it wrong. I'm just saying that sometimes it will be good to see him making a mistake, a bad decision, following a wrong hunch or something that can show to me that he's other than the shiny knight he seems now.

More than understood! I am trying to write William as a fairly new recruit. He wants to do right. He's hardly had any time with the Grey Wardens so he has no compass as to what to do before they were wiped out (as far as he knows). Which is why Quinn makes the comment of, "You've not been with the Grey Wardens to know the extremes they will go through (to do a job right)" (or whatever I said). I am trying to paint Williams as the "Knight in Shining Armor" - because that's all he knows. All he knows is to fight the Darkspawn. To do right in the world. But he's not familiar with the measures the Grey Warden would normally go through.

AndreaDraco wrote: Surely, he has guilt. But that's not enough. Quinn, Berick and Nevah seem to me more realistically multi-layered, more difficult to read; they leave a lot of room for the reader's interpretation of their deeds and their thoughts. On the other hand, when - for example - William proposed to go back to the village to defeat the darkspawn... I've nothing to interpret about it. I know that William will be right and they will save the day, or die trying.

Yes, but even if they save the day - it may be the right "choice" - since he hears the Calling and such - but even so - there's bound to be plenty of death. And more guilt. Guilt and the desire to do right are William's two main traits. (Guilt more so recently as I was writing decided on how that should factor in...)

AndreaDraco wrote: That's the reason I can't relate to William. Because he's right; because he always do the right thing; because is moral compass is adamantine; because he's the good guy, the perfect guy.

He's the Captain America of my story!

AndreaDraco wrote: And this is why I like Quinn more: because he's not right, he often is rude and cruel; because is moral compass is shaded but especially because, in spite of everything, he fight for a good cause. This I can relate to: a flawed individual, like us, who's striving and struggling and fighting to do the right thing.

Yes, because slaughtering all the women in the chantry is a good idea!

AndreaDraco wrote: Ah, sorry for the rant. The chapter is actually very good, and the dream is really scary. I adore the way Berick appears out of nowhere, like a shadow, and I like the idea of what's next

Again, I loved the rant! Love hearing the good and the bad! Helps me look at where I am weak and where I am strong when it comes to my writing! So never be afraid of letting me have it!

Tawmis wrote:Yes, because slaughtering all the women in the chantry is a good idea!

I really hope that he proposed that as a joke

AndreaDraco wrote:

Tawmis wrote:Yes, because slaughtering all the women in the chantry is a good idea!

I really hope that he proposed that as a joke

He is a Blood Mage. I don't think morals are high on his list. And he's got some experience as a Grey Warden. They've done some extreme things. I am not sure Quinn meant it as a joke.

Still, Blood Mages are not necessarily ravaging sociopaths, no? And I bet that Quinn knows the difference between doing what must be done and doing what is wrong. Otherwise, he would have dumped William a while ago, no?

Another big chunk added. This one has battle! Blood! Death! Sacrifice! And a difficult choice for someone.... that may change their life... forever.

Argh! My appetite is definitely whetted!

*goes reading the big chunk*

“I truly wish I could say that it’s been nice knowing you.” -- Quinn and his witty one-liners are always a pleasure to read!

The chapter is really good. Perhaps the battle is a bit brief and I've a minor quibble with William telling the farmers the truth about the broodmothers, but the chapter is really good and the final paragraphs are great. I didn't see it coming! I thought it would have been Berick in life danger, but I'd never thought that you'd go with William himself. Quinn's words were appropriate, as was Nevah's reaction. It was a powerful moment, one whose consequences I can't wait to see!