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You have to name the Mabari Odin

AndreaDraco wrote:You have to name the Mabari Odin

I should! Or a variation of Odin's name...

And where's my daily fix?

... Just joking

AndreaDraco wrote:And where's my daily fix?

... Just joking

Well I was going to record NeN lines with Adam, but he rescheduled. So I will probably be adding today!

And as I suspected...

More of the "Life Begins With Death" Dragon Age Story....

Life Begins With Death addition.

1. The scene with the elven family is truly heart-warming. I really like this side of William's character, and I hope that the elf took his advice and went north.

2. What? I was sent to fetch elfroots outside Lothering, battling bandits, refugees, wolves and bears because William used Elder Miriam's poultices for Forodin (great name by the way!)?

3. I like the little scene with Leliana in Dane's Refuge, but I can't understand one thing: was she directly speaking with Loghain's men, or she was speaking with Danal and the hechmen were simply looking at her?

OK, now I'm curious. If they're not going to Denerim - and Alistair and the Warden are still behind them with the treaties - what are Quinn and William going to do?

Oh, a little note: it's Teyrn, and, if you can find it useful, here's the list of Fereldan's nobility titles.

AndreaDraco wrote: 1. The scene with the elven family is truly heart-warming. I really like this side of William's character, and I hope that the elf took his advice and went north.

In the game, by the bridge (before you cross it in Lothering) - there's a family of Elves who were victimized by the bandits. It's in references to those same elves that the players can meet later (and tell them that they took care of the bandits, if the party has done so).

AndreaDraco wrote: 2. What? I was sent to fetch elfroots outside Lothering, battling bandits, refugees, wolves and bears because William used Elder Miriam's poultices for Forodin (great name by the way!)?

I figured that might make a fun little twist - with why she needs supplies (and if she needs supplies, why she would have enough money to pay a party - in game - to come through and fetch her the things she needs!)

And as Forodin - I came up with the idea because of the battle cry in game, "For Fereldin!" - and just made it "For Odin!" - and thus Forodin was born!

AndreaDraco wrote: 3. I like the little scene with Leliana in Dane's Refuge, but I can't understand one thing: was she directly speaking with Loghain's men, or she was speaking with Danal and the hechmen were simply looking at her?

She's originally talking to the henchmen (and annoying them about her visions and what she thinks really happened at Ostagar). Then Danal, the owner, comes and tries to calm her down and tell to stop provoking Teyrn Loghain's men - who stare at her smug like (knowing that they basically have run of Lothering while they're there waiting for stragglers from Ostagar).

AndreaDraco wrote: OK, now I'm curious. If they're not going to Denerim - and Alistair and the Warden are still behind them with the treaties - what are Quinn and William going to do?

I don't even know what they're going to do!

AndreaDraco wrote: Oh, a little note: it's Teyrn, and, if you can find it useful, here's the list of Fereldan's nobility titles.

Whoops did I spell it wrong EVERYTIME or just in the latest?
Will check that!

Latest Dragon Age brain dump.

Yay!

Added quite a few more brain dumps.

Chapter Seven (The Deserted Town) is absolutely my favorite! Very good description of the Blight devastation upon the land: the atmosphere was really thick and foreboding. The ghoul, who reminds me a little of Hespith, was unnerving and frightening. Good job, Tawmis!

On the brief Chapter Eight, the only thing I can point out is that, while it's perfect to use the word Call in some sentences, at least in the first one ["Doing this helps put the Call aside"], I'd use the word Calling, which is the proper word for the Grey Warden ceremony. Aside from this quibble, Quinn is getting more and more interesting with each passing chapter.

On Chapter Nine, first the quibble. I guess you made a mistake with this sentence, maybe while formatting the text: "“Settle down, Quinn,” William snapped. “I think her first concern is surviving,” he said as he looked at the woman. Despite the soot, dried blood, and stains all over her face, hair and clothes; the woman was strikingly beautiful; despite being covered in head to toe". Aside from this... wow! You're really talented fro describing combat scenes! I really, really liked that and the description of Quinn's spell was very good too!

A final note: I already and wholeheartedly hate the woman in soot! An idiotic moron and a despicable bigot like every sister of the Chantry (save for the old lady who misspells the Chant of Light)! Maybe I'll change my mind about her - like I did with Leliana -, but for now I can't stand her.

AndreaDraco wrote: Chapter Seven (The Deserted Town) is absolutely my favorite! Very good description of the Blight devastation upon the land: the atmosphere was really thick and foreboding. The ghoul, who reminds me a little of Hespith, was unnerving and frightening. Good job, Tawmis!

To be as accurate as possible (when I can!) - the Dragon Age Wiki has helped.

The ghoul is very much like Hespith - as well as... Argh - there's another Dwarf you meet in the Deep Roads (the woman who lost her son). Based the Ghoul off of both of them (and the information the Dragon Wiki provided of what a ghoul is like). Ever wonder why that completely insane people (even those driven mad by the taint of the Blight - become the best at rhyming lines?)

AndreaDraco wrote: On the brief Chapter Eight, the only thing I can point out is that, while it's perfect to use the word Call in some sentences, at least in the first one ["Doing this helps put the Call aside"], I'd use the word Calling, which is the proper word for the Grey Warden ceremony. Aside from this quibble, Quinn is getting more and more interesting with each passing chapter.

Quite true about "The Calling."

AndreaDraco wrote: On Chapter Nine, first the quibble. I guess you made a mistake with this sentence, maybe while formatting the text: "“Settle down, Quinn,” William snapped. “I think her first concern is surviving,” he said as he looked at the woman. Despite the soot, dried blood, and stains all over her face, hair and clothes; the woman was strikingly beautiful; despite being covered in head to toe". Aside from this... wow! You're really talented fro describing combat scenes! I really, really liked that and the description of Quinn's spell was very good too!

Yeah. One too many "despite being covered" lines in that sentence! This is what happens when you write from work and get interrupted constantly!

Thanks for the compliment on the combat scene! It's somewhere I have always felt I was weak at (describing combat) - so it's somewhere I try to focus a lot of attention. I have always thought that my strongest is writing dialogue. That seems to come the easiest to me. It's describing the little things I always tend to ... forget or overlook. Because I will forget that what I am writing, people can't see as clearly as I do in my head. So that's where I want to improve. Describing the small things that can really pull a reader into the story.

AndreaDraco wrote: A final note: I already and wholeheartedly hate the woman in soot! An idiotic moron and a despicable bigot like every sister of the Chantry (save for the old lady who misspells the Chant of Light)! Maybe I'll change my mind about her - like I did with Leliana -, but for now I can't stand her.

I think she's supposed to be disliked (if you're one who likes folks like Grey Warden). But if you're a devoted religious person, perhaps you'd like her. (They talk about how the Chantry's religion of the Maker echos a lot of the Christian type religion). So I thought having someone who is nothing like the other two (and a half, if you could Forodin) might make for an interesting take. Who knows how long she will last - but that's the inspiration that came to me while I was freezing at work today!

I hope that in future inspirations of writing - I don't turn her into a Leliana. I want to try and make a unique set of characters away from what players see in the regular Dragon Age game!

And I might add - thank you GREATLY - for not only even READING my scribbling - but commenting so thoroughly! It's far more appreciated than you realize!

Tawmis wrote:And I might add - thank you GREATLY - for not only even READING my scribbling - but commenting so thoroughly! It's far more appreciated than you realize!

Glad if I'm being useful, and I'm having a lot of fun reading it

AndreaDraco wrote:

Tawmis wrote:And I might add - thank you GREATLY - for not only even READING my scribbling - but commenting so thoroughly! It's far more appreciated than you realize!

Glad if I'm being useful, and I'm having a lot of fun reading it

Useful! You're like my personal editor! I love it!

AndreaDraco wrote: On Chapter Nine, first the quibble. I guess you made a mistake with this sentence, maybe while formatting the text: "“Settle down, Quinn,” William snapped. “I think her first concern is surviving,” he said as he looked at the woman. Despite the soot, dried blood, and stains all over her face, hair and clothes; the woman was strikingly beautiful; despite being covered in head to toe". Aside from this... wow! You're really talented fro describing combat scenes! I really, really liked that and the description of Quinn's spell was very good too!

Fixed.