Zarathustra.

Danube

...is a fake. There is no apostrophe in Snickers.

My generic caramel-and-chocolate-and-peanuts bar...

Roger that!

...which I am using to measure the table and figure out if I can replace it.

I have some ice-cream in a champagne glass...

Hundred-metre dasher

(The definition of Usain Bolt!)

Cosmonaut

I could use the lead pipe to dig a hole, very slowly and very clumsily.

Oh yes... sorry. My two lies and one truth are...

My favourite fruit is strawberries.
I enjoy interacting with spiders.
I celebrated when Trump became POTUS.

I shall heal Windows95!

*Whoopee Cushion (10)
*Col_Mustard (10)
*Buttercup (10)
*Russian Bot (7)
*Bowsette (10)
*Cosmo (10)
*Sasquatch (10)
*Windows95 (7)

Is Mr Body really Russian Bot in disguise? (Need more data?)

...which I use all the time, especially to rhyme, with orange and lime, and my iPhone's just fime. Er. Fine.

I have my wallet...

...was munched by my cat. Lick lick, chomp chomp, and it's all gone.

My barbecue-flavoured chips...

"Oops."

Orange (again!)

Burton!

Quetzalcoatl

Sorry.

"I will kiss you and love you and squeeeeeeze you-" she squeezed Harold - "and hug you and call you George!"

She giggled.