My bagel was charred because it was baked for too long.

Apple cake.

What is this Windows 95 of which you speak? Is it how many windows there are in the White House?

A Russian bot, eh? I'm watching you carefully, buddy. Anything gets back to Stalin, I'll know how to arrest!

I'm sipping my champagne and checking for corpses. No corpses. Everything's fine.

I hated error 52.

False!

Russian Bot, you used to go to Niagara Falls?

I once owned a golden lab.
I once owned a black lab.
I once owned a science lab.

Gimli, son of Gloin

Bide.

Cutlass!

Harold and Hilda looked at each other. "I don't trust people named after drinks," Hilda said doubtfully.

Door Elf? What's a door-elf?

Having said that, I would say: Frodo.

...hire a party planner.

If I met a clown, I would...

My hummus went bad after spending too much time in the sun.

Beef jerky

Door

Funnel.

Pirate

Harold said, "But our shoes still have holes! Please, sir, can you not direct us to a cobbler?"

Hmm... you own a Bubo? (A First Edition of The Hobbit would be very expensive, indeed).

Don't know much about history.
Don't know much about biology.
Don't know much about the French I took.

A is for Apple.